NASCAR Comics Update - 4/22

NASCAR Comics — Sun, 22 Apr 2007 16:14:00 GMT

Jimmy Dash

Everything happens for a reason. As fate would have it, my hero growing up as a kid is now… MY SPONSOR! Sure I’ve always dreamt about driving in NASCAR. But never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d be driving the 76 car with G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip on the hood. I can’t wait until we unload the new paint scheme. POW!

It seems fitting that the next time I get to battle Jack Diesel, I’ll have G.I. Joe on my side. I’m sure that Diesel isn’t too happy about Hasbro and G.I. Joe joining forces with Team Flatstock. Jimmy Dash versus Jack Diesel. Friendly rivalry? Probably not since I bet Diesel’s past his boiling point about the alliance. Heated rivalry? Better make that an over-heated one.

Jack Diesel

I go to Racingone.com and the lead story is about Team Flatstock landing Hasbro and G.I. Joe as its primary sponsor. Don’t they know I’m NASCAR’s best driver? Where did it all go wrong? Some say after the last turn of the last race.

Well, other than evil super powers AND a super fast car, the best thing I have going for me against Flatstock is this: they’re a go or go home car. They’ve only made 1 race during their unremarkable existence. So unless Dash is fast enough during qualifying, he doesn’t get to race. Plus, I’m an anonymous expert in dirty trickeration. Like oil that appears on a race track out of thin air. Or sticker tires that turn into scuffs at the drop of a hammer. I’d like to see Dash turn a fast enough lap with a set of those!

Hasbro. Who needs them? They don’t know jack. And we all know that this Jack still owns the track.

Astor Shockington

The guys at Flatstock and I now know that call waiting means sponsor waiting. The tables have turned since Jimmy Dash raced into NASCAR history. And let me tell you, it’s better sitting on this side after winning. I received dozens of sponsorship offers, but in the end, I’m totally thrilled beyond words to have Hasbro and G.I. Joe with Kung Fu Grip sponsor the 76 car.

Instead of worrying about just making it into a race, having a first-rate sponsor like Hasbro means we can start worrying about winning races. Lots of races. The sky’s the limit now, baby. Maybe G.I. Joe, The Real American Hero, can help us win the Great American Race, or become America’s NASCAR Team? I can just see the press release now: “Jimmy Dash - The Wheel American Hero.”

NASCAR Comics Update - 4/15

NASCAR Comics — Sun, 15 Apr 2007 16:01:00 GMT

Dashiell James

It’s sort of well-known that race car drivers are superstitious. Well, I’m not any different. Ever since I got superpowers, I’m afraid to step in the shower for more than 2 minutes just so they don’t wash down the drain. I guess that’s not really going to happen. Plus if I don’t bathe, Astor won’t even think of ever going out on a date with me. I still hope that THAT’S going to happen.

Anyway, before the last race where I dusted Diesel in a photo finish, I taped my good luck charm, my G.I. Joe, to the dash. Now get this - as my car rolls over in mid-air down the front stretch, G.I. Joe comes loose and only his Kung Fu Grip keeps him inside the cockpit. You see, G.I. Joe grabbed hold of the window net and held on as we crossed the finish line going 200 miles an hour! Who needs duct tape when you got Kung Fu Grip?

So I wasn’t the only one who “held on” at the end of the race to edge out Diesel. And now you know how “The Real American Hero” helped NASCAR’s newest one win his first race.

Jack Diesel

Now here’s a strange turn of events. All because I barely lost one race to a flash in the oil-pan rookie, some would-be sponsors are walking away from a chance to sponsor MY car. The 63 car, the best car in NASCAR the last few years. Yeah, I can’t believe it either. Blockheads!

The rumor in the garage is that they’re being courted by Flatstock Racing. As remote as it may seem, Flatstock could be the one thing standing between me and complete domination of NASCAR for years to come. Maybe I should switch gears and become Mr. Delightful Diesel?

You can forget about that! I’ll stick to what I know best - being a Lean, Mean, Racing Machine!

Astor Shockington

So this is what happens when you win a NASCAR race? I’ve been getting so many calls on my cell phone that the battery is ringing on empty and I need a catch can just to keep my voicemail from “overfulling.” All of a sudden, companies who’d like to break into NASCAR want to put their logo on the 76 car. Hello? Who wouldn’t want to sponsor NASCAR’s Most “Dashing” Driver?

Like some other sports today, Jack Diesel ruled the NASCAR circuit without any serious challengers. Now that Jimmy Dash has taken down Goliath, fans can’t wait to see what’ll happen next. Hmmm, now that sponsorship offers are rolling in, maybe Flatstock Racing can field a 2^nd car? Dash’s drafting partner.

Things are looking up. Companies have noticed that Flatstock could well be the Risingstock of stock car racing.